14 November 2004
Phony Sonys
Pugliese buys fake TVs

Rick Pugliese (right) purchases an imitation Sony television from a street dealer in East Cleveland

image courtesy of Jim "The Anvil"
Topping the headlines this week, CEI favorite customer Rick Pugliese is under investigation after questions over the authenticity of his electronics lead to public outcry. Pugliese, whose high-tech lifestyle revolves around avant-garde Sony electronics, has always prided himself on his high-quality purchases direct from Japan. Instead, Rick's pieces are bought on the street in one of Ohio's most lucrative black markets. Most of Rick's merchandise is not Sony, but Sonny brand, a little-known electronics imposter from East Cleveland. Anonymous sources say it's difficult not to notice the baseball-cap-wearing Pugliese on Eddy Road and Bratenahl where 200-inch plasma sets go for as little as $400. Let down by the discovery, many Ashtabulans have started spreading the word about Rick and his phony Sonys. Little Alex Orlando said he was crushed when Ralphie tried to sell him a dummy Playstation. "I told my dad we betto call the cops Mowdy," said Alex. Saturday, Martinis caught Rick in Cleveland's Hough area where he was high-fiving brothers out the car window. With the trunk still open, Pugliese floored it, spilling scores of Sonnys onto East 79th Street.

The Green Room
Once-popular green decor almost extinct
In the entertainment industry, the "Green Room" is the place backstage where performers and guests relax before appearing on a show. In East Ashtabula, the term refers to a late 1970s interior decorating phenomenon where fascinating shades of the color green dominated whole households. From puke green dining areas to cool mint bathrooms, everybody seemed to have a green room somewhere in their house. East Ashtabula resident Donna Bellomo said she'll pitch a tent outside before she tears out her green rug. "Even my washer and dryer are green, HAHHH!" Donna burst out jokingly. Bellomo's lime green living room is one of the last remaining examples of the dying style in the Neighborhood. Although many of the green room color schemes have now been reworked, the rooms live on as monuments to some of the most spectactular greens recognized by the human eye. Among the legends was Patty Pucci's majestic green sitting room which defied the color spectrum. "St. Patty," as she is often called, has recently been recognized by Ashtabula's Irish population for her artful use of shamrock in her hypnotic salon. Stay tuned next week when Martinis covers orange (Dave) and blue rooms. Martinis asks any women talented enough to use their green skills to get a greener front lawn to contact greenskeeper Joe Orlando.

Suing for Sewage
Orlando endorses Lavette
Human waste expert and long-time sewer activist Ron Orlando is officially backing Bill Lavette. The announcement came after word of Lavette's sewer troubles convinced Ron to engage the City in a legal battle. Not knowing where to turn, Lavette asked Orlando to help him in his quest for a dry basement. Orlando and Lavette plan to petition the City for rights for sewage victims. Friday, protesters gathered uptown to demonstrate against what they say is just an opportunity for Ron to hit up the City for free boots and squeegees. Orlando -- who has an inordinate amount of promotional clothing and other items donated to him annually -- denies the allegations and says he's sympathetic to Lavette's cause. Ron claims he pumped poop out of his Lake Road home for 5 years before his problem was fixed. Lavette was recently hit with fines after he used City pipes to invade a basement in the Harbor. Orlando is professor of sewage studies at Kent Ashtabula and has a doctorate in excrement.

10. Loretta Notarianni, Front living room - Iridescent pine carpet
9. Jeanette Orlando, Front living room - Pea green carpet
8. Anna Guerini, Kitchen - Sea green tiles
7. Donna Bellomo, Living room - Electric lime carpet
6. Ella St. Angelo, Dining room - Spring green and avocado theme
5. Mrs. Chang, Half bathroom - Strange green Chinese paneling
4. Madora Sespico, Study - Forest green recliner, chartreuse wallpaper
3. Kathy Orlando, Front living room - Dark seaweed carpet, artichoke davenport, olive arm chairs with flower print
2. Patty Pucci, Fancy Victorian sitting room - Honeydew to dark shamrock
1. Ron Orlando, Wallet - Full of green

E.L. and S.S.