9 August 2005
SANDY CAMPAGNA
Age: 62
Height: 5' 2 1/2"
Weight: 153lbs
Occupation: Bowling League Coordinator
Shank Type: Short
Favorite Shot: Unknown
Claim to Fame: Explosive whooping laugh
Player Rating:
Martini: When did you first start working at the bowling alley?
Sandy: 1975.
Martini: '75?
Sandy: Yessir.
Martini: You've seen quite a bit of of the Lanes' history
Sandy: Heh, you said it! Well, you know, back then, Tan 'n Guy were still around, Flora, your Aunt Loretta, Ella, and we still had a lotta the old bowlers 'n stuff.
Martini: Any funny stories come to mind?
Sandy: HAAAHHHHH! You ain't got enough time!
Martini: Any that stand out right now?
Sandy: Christ, the one night we had two fruits smokin reefer in the parkin lot. The old man walks in. The one of em was bowlin, had a team down on 29 'n 30. Now normally the old man ain't there that time a night, you follow me?
Martini: Yeah.
Sandy: So he comes up front 'n says "Alright give these bums out there the hook," and I'm thinkin "Who is he talkin about?" Next thing you know, the one's standin out there in a pair a polka-dot undershorts, his boyfriend left em, musta had 'n argument er somethin, right?
Martini: Yeah.
Sandy: Doesn't this guy come back in the bowlin alley and keep bowlin?
Martini: Get out.
Sandy (coughing and laughing): Oh yeah! HAHHHHH! Fuckin guy walks right up on 29 'n bowls a strike in his underwear. Didn't even miss his turn! HAHHHHHH!
Martini and Sandy (both laughing hard)
Sandy: Guy's team thought he went to get a beer . . . WHAT A WACKO, boy!
Martini (still laughing): Jesus, that's a classic.
Sandy (turning to the side, cupping hands over mouth): BALL ON SIX!
Martini: What?
Sandy: Err-uh, they had a ball down there.
Martini: Who?
Sandy: So what's been goin on? I saw your mother 'n father in church. Your father is hysterical, I gotta tell ya.
Martini: Heheheee, yeah, my dad's funny.
Sandy: Oh! He's a classic. You shoulda seen. We were at mass and the priest's got somethin hangin from his mouth, right? And your father's standin there tryin to get him to notice it.
Martini: What the hell was it?
Sandy: Christ I don't know, some white shit er somethin. Looked like cheese. But your old man's standin there makin motions with his hand, pretendin like he's brushin it off his face, right? And the priest takes forever to notice it, see. Finally he gets the picture, tries to get rid of it, and makes it WORSE!
Martini: No!
Sandy: Oh yeah, now it's on his CHIN! Pierre Deluia's standin next to me, he's losin it, right? So the priest turns around and the thing's movin up 'n down while he's talkin. By now the whole pew's bustin up laughin.
Martini (dying laughing): Ohhh shit, I wish I was there to see that.
Sandy: Oh yeah, ask your father. It was hysterical. Priest said somethin to your father in the vestibule after mass too. I think he THANKED em! HAAAHHHHHH!!!
Martini: What is the current state of the sport of bowling?
Sandy: Well, we're not lookin too good.
Martini: How come?
Sandy: Well, we could use some more bowlers. Lotta businesses have closed down, relocated er whatever, and the bowlers just ain't there like they used to be. We still run the Lunar, you know, we got a lotta young people in there. And I think that's what we should be goin after. Get these kids started bowlin.
Martini: Oh definitely. That's the way to go.
Sandy: See, when they stiff'ned the drinkin laws, that killed the bar business.
Martini: Right.
Sandy: And that's a big part of it. Ohhh, Saint's used to pack em into that bar, boy. Then the cops started patrollin' 20 pretty heavy and, you know, they dropped the legal limit 'n so forth. Christ you have a sip a beer, you're over the limit.
Martini: Things have changed out there.
Sandy: HAHHHHH! Boy, you can say that again! Christ, Marty we used to have leagues where these guys'd come off SECOND SHIFT on Friday nights and start bowlin. League started around one in the morning. We were PACKED!
Martini: See, now, I would go for that. You come off work one night and head straight to the alleys. That sounds like fun.
Sandy: Oh, it is. It totally is. But see, it gets harder 'n harder to round these teams up anymore.
Martini: Well, that place is where it's at, I don't care what anybody says. You get a big group, go out there . . . .
Sandy: Oh yeah. We got a great bowlin alley out there -- best around. That lounge down the far end is fixed up really nice now, I told Brad. Drew's a genius with all that work he did in there. Brad's got a shitload a new stuff comin for the alleys too.
Martini: Really?
Sandy: I hope to tell ya. Puttin in all new surfacing . . . He's got a golf game out there looks like your right on the golf course.
Martini: No shit.
Sandy: Ahhh people go nuts over it! Ahhh yeah. Place's lookin good.
Martini: League specialist, motivator, and pillar of St. Angelo's Lanes for the past 30 years, Sandra Campagna. It is an honor to have you at the Court today.
Sandy: Well I enjoyed bein here. Whatta you guys shoot hoops here er somethin?
Martini: Yes.
Sandy: Well thank you. And say hi to your folks for me.
Martini: I will.
Stevie Severino
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