Martinis 18 August 2002Email Martinis
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Over Joey's
Food critic goes inside the fence

Loretta Notarianni tastes a piece of garlic bread during an episode of Channel 3's Del's Folks on Harbor Avenue

With sweltering summer temperatures, Joe's driveway's been working overtime this year. Led Zepplin and cars "parked up the ying-yang" have everybody asking the burning summer question: "Who's over Joey's?" Lately, just about everybody's been over Joey's, including Channel 3's Del Donahoo. This week, Del and his ridiculous "Folkswagon" were parked over Joe's for an unprecedented segment of Del's Folks. Television cameras and adding machines caught Joe's reaction as the crew came to sample some of Saint's typical poolside cuisine. On the menu were wing dings, pork chops, chicken breast, delmonicos, lobster, and, of course, swordfish. At first, Del was taken aback by the scale of the goings-on over Joey's, such as the 750-piece wing order delivered on a low-boy truck. But Donahoo quickly learned it takes a lot to please the tough customers inside the fence — especially Max. Dining on nothing but filets and quiche, the dog is said to eat better than most middle-class families. Over Joey's, the sky's the limit and it's no baloney. In addition to only the best cuts of meat, Joe says all fish are caught fresh daily in his live waterfall. Besides eating, Del took time out to tour PAT's pool shed and ride the Zuzek commemorative exercise bike in the Florida room. No doubt, it would be easy to get used to the routine over Joey's. After dinner, Del said everybody just sips cocktails until they re-eat around midnight when Joe brings out the crown rib roast. Latenight, Del ventured into the kitchen and found four guys completely tortured, fighting over St. Angelo's 4am specialty, chili with whipped cream. By the end of the week, Joe had Del makin fried pizza, throwing the stick for Max, and downing Crown with two loose blondes in the deep end. Del had such a good time over Joey's, he didn't even mind when Dennis' parrot shit on his spectacles. To add to the confusion, flippo Duggie spent the week spinning Floyd records and making change from a bloated roll of bills. Wielding the skimmer was this year's hush-hush regular, Mike Valentic, determined to get those little helicopters out of the pool. Go big or stay home, Saint's is the place to be this summer. So bring your Shoot-It Card and pick up a bottle a Dom for the dog. Booze, broads, and gourmet barbecues will make YOU TOO wanna be . . . over Joey's.

Til Pizzas Do Us Part
Delivery guy bungles wedding reception
Scott Spence and Karen Scazarelli were married last Saturday. Although Spence hoped for a typical Italian wedding like Brother Rufus, he took a slightly different approach to the ceremony. The groom apparently was only comfortable if the priest dressed as an umpire and said "play ball" instead of pronouncing the couple man and wife. Naturally, Scott was completely nervous in the church and farted uncontrollably at the altar. Spence's embarassing gas continued all the way out to the car where Scott and Karen were pelted with Prozac instead of the more traditional rice. Down on North Bend, guests enjoyed a uniquely decorated hall with packages of Big League Chew as table favors. The reception started with a bang as Four Star delivery boy Jimmy Batanian showed up with a gag order of about 15 pizzas and poor boys. The vulgar prank sent Bonita into a tailspin and even made Chuck deck Karen's brother Nazzy when he demanded ketchup for his spags. Glued to the bar was the expected lineup of members of the Intergalactic Alliance of Superdorks. On just one beer, the boys managed to spark an obscenely interesting discussion about stoplights and car insurance that lasted them the whole evening. Outside of the food order, the only real action took place when Dorito gave Sinbad a thrill in the handicapped stall of the women's restroom. To Chuck's delight, all members of the Dudley family had full, well-groomed beards, including females. Gifts from the Dudley side included Papa Dud's moonshine, some firewood, and a crock of fresh maple syrup straight from Dudleyville. Only the lucky ones got to see the commotion at the end of the party when two rogue Dudleys showed up stinking drunk in dirty overalls yodling at the top of their lungs. The drunks were later deported to
C &J's where they were quickly cremated with the rest of the bunch. Anyone who missed this occasion can view the replay after the council meeting this week on Channel 6.

10. The P & P Jeep Cherokee
9. 1994 white golf cart, Harbor Avenue plates
8. 1988 black Mercury Cougar
7. 2002 Cadillac Hearse GT Convertible
6. 1999 Bahama blue Mercedes Roadster
5. 1987 U.S. Mail truck
4. New used Dodge van, "Balloonhead" decal
3. 1980 brown Ford one-ton van with carpet machine
2. 1990 gray Ford Tempo, trunk wide open
1. 2000 green Chevrolet Suburban, Macaroni Edition

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