Martinis 20 May 2002Email Martinis
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Beauty School Dropouts
City honors hairdressers

Three neighbors show off their new hairdos at a hairdressers awards banquet in East Ashtabula

Processing data faster than IBM, Ashtabula hairdressers are no doubt some of the critical people keeping the town afloat these days. Local stylists provide Ashtabula with hip mops like the ones seen above, not to mention a constant pipeline of wacko information. As a rule, hairdressers like to get their customers in and out of the chair with the highest yield of gossip possible. Of course, not every barber has the smooth execution of technician Damon Zullo, who has been known to keep ladies over sixty under the dryer until they tell him who their grandson is dating. Lately, stylists say their customers are interested in all kinds of scoop, especially happenings in East Ashtabula. Hairdresser and Martinis advocate Tina Herzog says her business has tripled since people found out Loretta Notarianni was one of her customers. Tickled by the news, Loretta decided to sponsor a small awards party for the local beauty shops. First prize was a gold toupe imported from Erie with the inscription, "E.A." Together with her girlies from the Stowaway, Loretta judged shops according to validity of scoop, creativity in invented stories, and namedropping. Taking the trophy was East Ashtabula's own Queen Francine, with festoons going to runners-up Amy Gus, Chris Dimitri, and Tommy Laveek.

The Dream Team
Likable guys promote Ashtabula
All votes were finally counted this week in the race for Ashtabula city's Office of Touristic Affairs. Although the election was close, officials said voters chose two capable men, both with the pleasant personality it takes to draw people into the city. Citizens lined up in Carlisle's parking lot to congratulate the winning team of sportsbar tycoon Ronnie Nick and Boy Scout troop leader Dave Coast on their new positions. Starting Monday the two mister-nice-guys will be in charge of promoting tourism and culture throughout Ashtabula city. Eager to get plans off the ground, Ronnie says his good looks and Dave's wit should hypnotize big money investors into the city limits. Despite the high hopes, public sentiment hasn't exactly been all positive. Over the weekend, some elementary school children unhappy with the election handcuffed Coast in a vulgar position on a merry-go-round down the harbor. Coast has been under fire ever since his eunuch son, Vinnie, married a Jehovah's witness in downtown Cleveland last Tuesday. Whatever the case, Ronnie Nick and Dave Coast say kindness is their middle name. When asked for their thoughts on the election, the gentlemen said they were surprised but elated to have won by just three votes over competing charmers Greg della Princess and Larry Morocco.

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