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Jay Vegas   Dancing AL   Joneses   Guestbook   Turkey  12 August 2001 
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Who the hell is this?

Who did Alex stay with before he was given to Mike Pucci?
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New Scoop

Chuck Hates Water in His Nose
Even when doing the Triple Lindy, Uncle Charlie refused to go underwater without first plugging his nose.

Blood Thirsty Hound Faithful Only to Master
Seen here with his trainer (and torturer), the one and only Mad Dog, Alex Pucci, finishes off an unsuspecting UPS courier.

Get in the Pool!
Aquatic Philosophy Lives On
All of this hot month of August, Martinis is celebrating a long-standing Neighborhood law: "Get in the Pool." At Uncle Charlie's, there was no hanging around the pool or sitting with your feet dangling in the water. You were picked up and tossed in the pool to fend for yourself, end of story. Kids couldn't even get their thongs off and Dave had them in his grip, "Get in there, and like it, for christ sakes!" Of course, everyone loved it because Chaz's pool was special. Who other than Uncle Charlie had a pro diving board and slide? What's more, Chuck's was host to the world famous chicken fights where youngsters mounted on older kids' shoulders were pitted against each other to the last dunk. In the old days, you knew better than to climb out for a pop because you'd only come flying back in still thirsty. To be sure, Chuck's pool wasn't a place for crybabies. One false move usually meant getting depanted, or, if you were small, getting catapaulted into the frigid waters of the deep end. Walking inside that fence, you might have gotten a couple scrapes and bruises, but one thing's for sure: you didn't have to deal with Max and that damn stick. Get in the pool!
Beware of Dog
Martinis Pays Tribute to Alex
This week, a special request from Akron brings in Alex "The Dawg." Known to some as "Ralex" and others as "fucking asshole," this monster was, for years, the Pucci family mascot. Often seen standing like Snoopy on top of his doghouse, Alex, though not too well liked, was well respected in the Neighborhood mainly because of his ferocity. Unlike most canines who have a snout, Alex was born with an elongated beak. This genetic advantage gave him a jaw powerful enough to tear a steel-toed moonboot from a mailman or a checkbook away from Ron Orlando. In Swedetown, Alex bit the best of them, from defenseless children to farting retirees. Later on in life, Alex was forced into exile in Florida, where he was reduced to dining on Alpo with only occasional scraps of postal workers and powerwalkers. When asked for comment, pet lover Angelo Nortinez said the mutt's first meal shoulda been a Prestone hot dog.
10. Aunt Anna
9. Tony Ferrando
8. The United Parcel Team
7. Fox Davenoe
6. Gary
5. Mousey Benedict
4. Dirt
3. Mary Francis
2. Dr. Chang
1. Maynard

Old Scoop
Want to find any story we've run since 1997? Get caught up with last week's headlines right here or search month by month in the Complete Scoop Archive. Even tell us what's really going on with Martinis Submit-a-Scoop.

Mystery Question Answer:  The Terry Orlando family

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