Have a drink.
Jay Vegas   Dancing AL   Joneses   Guestbook   Turkey  15 July 2001 
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Who the hell is this?

Who took all the Severino brothers, from Muzzy to Fritz, for ice cream?
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That's Italian!
Harbor Boasts New Gourmet
Looking like something you'd only see if the Food Channel farted, Chef Erica Dioneffi explains the intricacies of modern pasta making.

Captain Nort
Gary Gets His Sea Legs
It took four cameras to photograph Angelo's new 30-foot Lincoln yacht Friday. Ange says Gary has vowed to take up fishing as long as Terry can get them free boat gas down the Dock.

La Russa
Lake Road Cook Knows Her Sauce
Italian chef Erica Dioneffo was forced to reveal her secret recipe for tomato sauce Friday when she was caught in Super Duper with a stick of pepperoni and a can of La Russa. Erica said she thought the coast was clear but ran smack into the Valentic twins before she could make it out of the spaghetti aisle. "I've gotta make sauce for Stevie," said the chef. Cashiers said Dioneffo looked pretty funny shopping the store in her puffy chef's hat and Italian apron that said "Macaroni Head." Despite Neighborhood criticism, Erica claims she's been really trying to get in touch with her Italian side by flipping pizzas on Stevie's head and saying "Fongool!" The good chef swears they would NEVER buy an off-brand like La Russa and that nothing will stop her from makin meatballs on 9th street.
Who am I?
I was a teacher in Ashtabula's finest elementary school. I played favorites during the plays and loved spending my days scaring the hell out of kids with the golden rule. Everyone had a ball in my study hall on the days when I didn't feel like teaching. Anyone sick of my preaching, put your head down on your desk and don't budge. I have a long-standing grudge against an Orlando boy going back to the early 1980s. He thought I was crazy the time I dressed up like a bumblebee and accused him of "shitting" on the restroom floor. I finally caught him, though, at the high school door with the goods before it was too late. "Hey Marty!" I yelled, "Where you goin with the plates!?" Who am I?
Big John, Little Chad
Paolillo Comes to Siena
Former East Ashtabula resident Chad "Goose" Paolillo surfaced in Siena Saturday. Paolillo and his new wife Jacqui say their Italian honeymoon wouldn't have been complete without the magic of the Tuscan town. "This is something I want my parents to see," said Chad. Lately, Siena has been battening down the hatches after rumors that Big John was invading Italy with Uncle Cash later this year. Luckily, Neighborhood correspondent-in-exile Justin Zupp was able to get a few words in with John during a third trick pinochle game. "I'd have to get on a plane," said Big John, "The last time I was on a plane I ripped the door off, you undershtand?" When asked if this meant curtains for the Dock worker, Boeing Corporation said a new doorless hot-air vessel, codenamed "Balloonhead," may be a solution.

Old Scoop
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Mystery Question Answer:  Nobody, it never happened.

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