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Weird AL Yankovic
Funnyman Comes to Harbor Avenue
Weird Al busted into East Ashtabula Friday to play an open-air concert at GueriniLand.

Orlando Caught in Drag
Joey Orlando got more than in touch with his feminine side this week when he dressed up like a bimbo and walked over Ann Tanna's. Nice purse, Joe.

Check the Frozen
Secret Signal Key to Finding Broads at St. Angelo's
Although much has been said about Terry Orlando fluffing off when he worked for the family businesses in the old days, one thing is for certain. Terry sure paid attention at Uncle Charlie's store back in the 60s when three words from Fred Fish meant getting laid on a Friday night. No pretty woman got past St. Angelo's registers without Fred telling Ter to "check the frozen;" that is, the food section with the ice cream and fish sticks. Naturally, Terry invited many girls to check out his fish stick and even took a few for a ride in his Chevy. When asked for comment, Ter said he could never forget what Father Sam used to say at the store when he wanted his brother to come along with him to do something. "Yama cheyna," Sam would holler, literally the Italian "andiamo a cena," or, "let's go to dinner." This funny phrase was a running joke about Sam, and Fred often threw it in with the frozen food alert, "Terry! Yama cheyna! Check the frozen!" At the deli, Sue swears this added phrase meant the girl was both sharp and had big cans.
The Fort
Veteran Remembers Neighborhood Hideout
A flood of phone calls and ransom notes forced Martinis to cover a once-sacred Neighborhood institution this week. Viewers have demanded some recognition for the much revered Fort in the old woods on the corner of East 22nd and Hawthorne Avenue. Of course, Martinis went right to the expert, Little David. "That place had everything," said Dave, "couches, tents, porno mags, booby traps . . ." In fact, the woods was prime territory for the legendary Neighborhood pastime, guerilla warfare. To be sure, the friendly but serious combat sport seemed pretty real to the many kids who managed to fall in one of the 10-foot leaf-covered pits dug out in those woods. Armed with walkie talkies and Big Dave's hand-crafted wooden machine guns, these soldiers spent many an afternoon trying to capture the guys held up in the barricaded sanctuary that was the Fort. No doubt much has changed since then and time has even placed a house over the old memories. But even though he was forced to destroy the classic structure, the new property owner says he'll never throw out the old metal Dallas Cowboys garbage can he found when he was digging out his basement.
Conan O'Pucci
Neighborhood Author to Be on Talk Show
Mark Pucci will appear on Late Night with Conan O'Brien in June. The drunken bard says he will speak on his new career as Professor of Laziness at South Florida's Sloth Academy, as well as plug his next novel, Booze Revolution.

Old Scoop
Want to find any story we've run since 1997? Get caught up with last week's headlines right here or search month by month in the Complete Scoop Archive. Even tell us what's really going on with Martinis Submit-a-Scoop.

Mystery Question Answer:  1988

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