|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
Mike Stain
Serial Spiller Still at Large
Ashtabula City Spokesman Joe Sandeege has issued a warning to all residents to be on the lookout for a mad drink spiller. Reports show Michael Stain, 24, of Giannell Avenue has been declared a threat to all furniture and carpets within a 25 mile radius. Sandeege says he hasn't seen anything like this since the Exxon Valdez.
 |
Jerry Curl
St. John Flashbacks Problem for Orlando
Jerry O was found parading nude this week at Sunset Park in North Kingsville. Park officials confirmed him to be covered only by his afro and high school letterman jacket.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Return of Tam
Sauce Sauced Down Under
Iron Chef Tammy "Sauce" Savarise made a surprise appearance Down Under Saturday. The Columbus salsa cook says he's doing well in the state capital, but plans to move his family back to Harbor Avenue by next summer so Tam can have another shot at the Nest. "I gotta give it another go around," said Sauce, "this time it'll be mandatory for all employees to be sloshed during their shifts." Tom says the new drunken mandate should take some pressure off him in the kitchen when he's cookin wings, as well as improve table service overall. Martini has already contracted Tam for his subterranean lounge and will be serving wings with Tommy Sauce Down Under next fall. |
Neighborhood on Alert
State of Emergency Closes Gates In Swedetown
The Neighborhood will be closed next week due to a state of crisis. Starting Monday, gates at the intersections of East 21st and 23rd on Harbor Avenue will be closed to residents only. Drivers wishing to pass through upper Harbor Avenue will be rerouted to a footpath that traverses the Dry Creek. Although the reason for the shut down is not yet entirely clear, Neighborhood spokesdog Tasha says the added security measures are the result of some suspicious autos being spotted in the area last weekend. Little Alex Orlando said he was in his front yard playing with his dairy starter set when he saw an old Ford with what he claims were Russian license plates. When asked by Martinis, BMV officials assured residents that there are no known vehicles on record and that whoever the car belongs to is probably just on some secret mission. |
HOT TOPICS DOWN UNDER
1. Mike & Anthony
2. Available Real Property in Neighborhood
3. Mark Pucci
4. Tommy Sauce
5. What about . . .
6. Duggie's New Kiosk Opening Soon
7. RJ files for Recount in Auditor Race
8. Hilmak's Restaurant
9. Cleaning Carpets
10. The Tootsie Rootsie |
|
Want to find any story we've run since 1997? Get caught up with last week's headlines right here or search month by month in the Complete Scoop Archive.
Mystery Question Answer: Martini
MARTINIS: Contact Us | Guestbook | Complain about this Site
Copyright ©2000. Martini Enterprises, Inc. All rights reserved. Martini's Down Under and Martini's at the Pavilion are registered trademarks of Martini. Any reproduction, refabrication, or reduction of the content of MARTINIS is prohibited and may cause hemorrhoids, chronic fatigue, asthma, and broken arms.
|
|
|
|
