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Vermont or Bust
Player Moves to New England
Akron partygirl Jenna B officially gave up college last week to go into business with her boyfriend, Calvin. The two say they're looking forward to the grand opening of their Vermont-based Acid Arts & Crafts in November.
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Three Amigos
Ange Commends Godson on New Novel
Uncle Ange gives Mark a PAT on the back Thursday during a book signing at GueriniLand.
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Californication
Carl & Leslie Join Peace Corps
LA computer entrepreneur Swingin' California Carl has decided to give up his multi-million dollar microchip business for full enlistment in the US Peace Corps. Martinis correspondent Smokey Cinciarelli says Caloy and his woman have already made their way to the South Pacific to help a struggling tribe, the Molombos. The tribe, who had never seen Americans before, apparently went ape shit when Carl showed up in his 800-horsepower Camaro and began shooting poison blowdarts at him. Carl says teaching the combustion engine to cavemen is much more satisfying than the menial piecework involved in chip manufacturing, and besides, a dollar buys him and Leslie the luxury hut on any island they go to. |
Billy Big Bucks
Savarise's Big Tips Drain Pocketbooks, But Not His
Little Billy received his Shoot-It Card in the mail Friday and says he really wants to clear the air about why he doesn't have to pinch pennies like other college students. For some time now, Bill has been dropping $50 tips at some of Ohio State's hippest dance clubs and restaurants. The young liar says it's easy to eat out every night when you can just "Shoot-It" at somebody else's expense. Willy urges all stingy college students to learn about the new credit card so they too can put entire six-person meals on the Underhill's bill. "My roomates are eating Ho-Hos and saltines," said Bill, "I'm cookin swordfish. That's the difference." So far, Willy has spent most of his days at OSU blowing money on filet mignon, strip clubs, champagne, hookers, limos, booze, and fried pizza. |
Raffle Baffle
Mary & Gary Combine to Sell Tickets to Neighborhood
Mary Francis and Gary Nort have teamed up this week in an effort to con all of Harbor Avenue into buying raffle tickets. Things got underway early Saturday morning as the two doubled up on Mary's three-speed and went door to door pushing everything from reverse 50/50 chances to Milk Duds. While they covered most of the Neighborhood, Mar' and Gar' had the tables turned on them around the circle where they were twice mistaken for Jehovah's Witnesses and turned away. "We don't eat candy and we never make it to the church to watch the drawing," explained Mark Orlando, "but anything for Gary and Mary." Gary says he hopes to kick off their 23rd Street campaign on Monday by picking Mary up in his new station wagon. Anyone need any chocolate-covered pecans? Call Gary. |
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