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Meat Hat
Uncle Chuck Keeps Warm in Cooler
"You go tell your professor that Charlie St. Angelo said that Missy can use the slicer."
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Home Improvement
Cindy's House Coming Great
Home & Garden TV came to the Neighborhood this week to cover the minor changes Miss Cindy says make a major difference.
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GueriniLand
Alan & Jan Build Theme Park
Move over Cedar Point, Alan and Jan have vowed to create the next generation of fun parks, GueriniLand. The park, which the couple hopes to finish by November, will be the first of its kind in Ohio, featuring cocktails and doggie treats on all rides. Sources say the park will be a place where you can test your skill at minigolf, then get sloshed to the bejesus on Absolut til 4am. "Hiring Big John to build the mineral baths was probably our best idea," said Jan. Al says the new place will include roller coasters, ferris wheels, fried waffles, a beach, and a truck stop. Both Alan and Jan claim they're loaded for bear and say they will give Sammy and Mark Orlando a run for their money next summer. Sammy, when asked for comment, said he'd give Al a toothpick for a lumberyard. |
Senior Tour No More
Family Golf Match Turns Ugly
Bob and Joe O have officially canceled their annual Thanksgiving golf trip to Jeff's in Arizona this week. Both say they had to think twice about going back after dealing with Brad and Jeff's poor sportsmanship this past spring. It all started when the whippersnappers got cocky and decided to give Joe and Bob a stroke a hole, while letting them hit from the bunny tees. The guys changed their tune, however, after watching the two seniors take advantage. Statements in from Arizona golf pro Libby Peña report that the match got heated after Bob took a gimme putt from ten feet and turned into an all-out cutthroat. "It's a tough life out here," said Jeff, "sometimes my pillows aren't fluffed right and I just can't play good golf in the morning." Mr. Mom was whining the whole time according to Lib and even got laughed off number 12 by Joe and Bob, who were calling him a crybaby. In an interview at the Clay Street Inn, Brad said that although he and Jeff got their asses kicked by the two heart patients, everybody ended up boozin it at the 19th Hole afterwards. |
Landscape Light Landing Strip
Confused Plane Lands on Harbor Avenue
A jumbo jet airliner touched down on Harbor Avenue Thursday when the crew mistook the well-lit street for a runway. Reports show the plane started its descent after mistaking the road's long stretch of landscape lights for landing lights. Hopkins Airport officials claim they never told the plane to start down, but that they sympathize with the pilots after having seen an airshot of the Neighborhood. Airport groundscrews around the nation are scheduled to meet in Orwell next weekend to decide on a more distinct color scheme for their airstrips. |
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Want to find any story we've run since 1997? Get caught up with last week's headlines right here or search month by month in the Complete Scoop Archive.
Mystery Question Answer: Bob Orlando Sr.
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