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Jay Vegas   Dancing AL   Joneses   Guestbook   Turkey  23 July 2000 
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New Scoop

Larry King
Talk Show Host Comes to North Kingsville
Residents were out on their front lawns this week when CNN's Larry King Live came to Shirley Street.

Terry O Turns 42
The Crow celebrated his birthday Thursday and finally decided to stay with the mustache.

45 South
Brad O Gets a Little Eyebrow
If you've ever been on Route 45, you've probably passed Brad Orlando. Recently, numerous sightings of the disco star out by the Clay Street Inn have some Austinburg residents concerned. "What the hell is he doing heading south past 90 all the time," asked Duke of Saybrook Harold T. Osten. Sources tell Martinis that Brad's 4Runner has been seen parked everywhere from the Flying J to the Orwell public library. Brad says he has applied for residency in Harpersfield and claims he makes frequent trips up and down 45 checking out properties. Out the Lanes, Drew and Sandy say they were baffled last season by Brad's blazing speed during league play as he frequently called from the Clay Street asking if it was his turn yet. "His ass," said Ange, "he's got a lotta dat EYEBROW out there!"
Shit Stinks
Mr. Hankey Haunts OSU
Alison Guerini was forced to make friends with the porcelain god last week, but it didn't have anything to do with throwing up. Reports show some guests at Alison's Ohio State apartment were speechless when they were treated to a stinking mess in the john. It all started when one person walked into the bathroom and was overwhelmed by a rank stench coming from the pot. Alison was grossed out when she had to come home at 3am to clear out a log left there by her friend Andy. "It stinks so bad," yelled Alison as she plunged down the brown monster, "I'm never doing this again, he can shit at the Big Boy." Investigators say the incident should have been anticipated because the guy apparently dirtied his pants before evacuating himself. University officials have stated that the apartment "still smells like ass" and will have to be thoroughly disinfected to comply with student handbook regulations concerning odor levels.
Star 67
Jay Vegas Comin in Hot
Everybody's favorite joker Jay Vegas will be flying in next month to promote his upcoming prank call album, Y2 Jay. Vegas says the recording comes after only two weeks of boozing it up til all hours with a phone in his hand. The new disc will feature the classic characters of Chet Freeman and Mr. Wisnyai as well as some fresh impersonations of bailbondsmen and restroom attendants. Martini says he couldn't be happier with the success of Jay's albums and hopes to spark a whole new audience online.

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Mystery Question Answer:  Dirt Dispenza, Willie Giannell, Carlo St. Angelo, and Buddy Savarise

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