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Family Truckster
Mark O Can't Put Enough on his Van
Mark Orlando's van tipped over this week when overpacking lead to a skyscraper of worthless shit.
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Picnic Hero
The Neighborhood may never feel the simple camaraderie of picnics past
after
last
year's
overkill
:
r
idiculous nametags
and
tacky invitations and contests. New tactics this year include calling and pestering people on the telephone.
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"Cave" Men
Suave Undertaker Buys More than Drinks at Cave
Things got out of control in Geneva over Memorial Day weekend when an ass-grabbing contest broke out at The Cove. Judges for best ass included Larry Payback, Saul Stofano, Huggie Pugliese, and Clark Varckette. It all started when Larry bought the whole bar drinks with a wad of money that he said amounted to "five thousand bucks." Contestants for best ass included the Guerini twins, some of their buddies, and Billy. Highlighting the evening was Angela and Clark on the hood of a Mercury and some White Russians getting licked off girls' chests.
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Suburbia
Neighborhood Yardwork Out of Control
A tractor war broke out in the Neighborhood this week when Terry-O and BigBill Savarise took on Louie Standy and Joe Prugar, setting the stage for this year's landscaping competition. For some time now yardwork on Harbor Avenue has been on the increase, but it was the street project that really sparked what is now an outdoor obsession of overkill and junking up. In one incident Al Guerini, after finishing his lawn, continued to cut lawns all the way down the street until he was rescued by police at the marina just before taking his mower into the drink. Awards will be given in August for most lawnjockeys, birdfeeders, and birdbaths; ugliest bushes; and most trees surrounded with mulch. |
Wings with Clown Sauce
Clowns Caught on Farrone's Carousel
Three clowns were riding horsies last Saturday after catching an irresistable glimpse of the kiddy carousel outside the Step Above Lounge. Reports show known clown Chris Lengerelly and trainees Jodi and Mandy pumped two rolls of quarters into the barfront ride, spinning and farting uncontrollably. In a related incident later that evening, Mark Pucci was taken into custody by Geneva police after he broke into Erieview Park to ride the railroad bicycles and go "RAAHH!" |
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