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| Martini's Shit List |
Angela
Chrissy Jelly
Cam Rich
Nick the Nurse
Skane |
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Daddy & Maddy - Spunce has baby girl
| Scottie Spungalow was givin' out cigars at the "bizarre" last week in celebration of his new baby, Mattingly Angeline Spence. "She looks just like my brother Rick," said Spunce as he made his way through |
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| the Mt. Carmel crowd. Scott and fiancée Karen Dudley of Perry, Ohio are currently managing Moses' grocery on State Road and say they plan to make the store "busier than Fitting's." In addition to all the time he spends with Maddy, Scott says he wants to clear the air about his social status. "The rumors about me being bedd are just not true," explained Spunce, "I told the guys on the Pavilion they'll be seeing a lot of me." In honor of Maddy's grampa Chuck, Martini has instituted the "Ice Pick" as this summer's PV cocktail. |
Dootie's Museum - Kathy Sav tells kids to live in basement
| It looks like Duggie and Karen may be moving into the cantina as Kathy Savarise's plan to create a museum on Hawthorne Ave. will take over both of their bedrooms. It all started after Katie redid the den with a new type of super-sensitive carpeting that is actually permanently stained |
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| by pure water. "These guys really thought they'd be walking on it", said Kathy in disbelief. In one incident Harbor Avenue mayor Rug Savarise was reprimanded for bringing a tonic with a lime in a tall glass into the den. Savarise children have complained to Martini's that they now have no place to lounge around. Neighborhood sources have confirmed Kathy Sav's plan to completely seal off the first floor, make it off-limits, and have the family spend most of its time in Duggie's old bedroom on the lower level. |
Judy Who? - Sposito knows everybody but no one knows her
| If you've ever wondered how somone can know so much about people that don't know them, then you've wondered about Judy Sposito. After being expelled from the Putting Petunias Judy's presence has been felt less and less on Harbor Avenue. But that has not stopped the former Colum- |
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| bus Jr. High secretary. Judy made a recent appearance at this years bizarre at the Mt. Carmel fairgrounds. Sources tell Martini that Sposito was on the prowl for scoop at the feast and found it over a bowl of cavatellis with just about everyone at the park. "I wouldn't even recognize her," said one family member, "how does she know where I work!?" |
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Tired of asking everyone to see those rebuttal letters?
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Who was caught makin' whoopee in the can at Anthony Saint's open house?
Answer: Angela |
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$500 REWARD
Five hundred dollars has been anonymously donated to Martini's by an outside party and is now offered as a reward to anyone with information |
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| leading to the capture of the Pavilion Bandit. The PV was viciously attacked on Friday by a graffiti bandit armed only with a permanent magic marker. In an effort to stop this obvious nut case Duggie has vowed to set up a surveillance system which he will monitor from the flower shop while he's pokin' pansies. "It couldn't have been anyone from the Guerini family," said Doug at a press conference at ACTS headquarters, "they just wouldn't condone anything like that, especially Angela." |
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