Are you interested in Harbor Avenue? Do you find yourself driving real slow around The Circle? Well, don't be ashamed! Make it your business to get the full scoop before everyone else. Welcome to Martini's, the greater Harbor Avenue area's official homepage!

Top People who
wanna Return
to Ashtabula

Do you know them all?
Mike & Norma
Mark Pucci
Jay Vegas

Just relax now, like Dave says, and Martini'll buy you a drink. We got squids, PAT, and a lotttta bullshit!
Nice toupe CHUCK!
Martini's Back - Safari a Success for Down Under Proprietor:
For those of you who thought the page was permanently down, you're out of luck. That's right, Martini's back and better than ever! "The safari was
refreshing said Martini in a closed interview with recently outcast family member Judy Sposito, "I needed some inspiration and Dave Bakos was more than I could handle." Sposito begged Martini for an interview after a "Happy Holidays from Judy" cake delivered to Bob & Shirl's Christmas blowout failed to reinstate her as Jeannette's sister. Martini hopes that his viewers were able to catch his theory on time and evolution, the result of three months work on the African savannah with former Mt. Carmel faculty members.

Jerry's Live-In Maid - Conneaut stock-boy needs more time to himself:
There won't be any more dirty dishes in Linda's sink now that Jerry has hired a new maid. The new girl will be staying with the Orlando's at their Conneaut estate so as to free up more
time for the Golden Dawn couple. "It got to be a little too much with the kids and all," explained Jerry, "Now we can do more things without having to worry if Little Jerry's tennies got mud on them." The maid, a former head of room arrangement at the Holidome in Wickliffe, seems to bear a striking resemblence to someone.

Secret Sled - Mic's new ride still big secret:
Secret Club chairman Mic Valentic finally traded in that big blue couch for a new Datsun this month.
Equipped with the latest James Bond-like gadgets, the new spymobile will serve as the SecretClub's chief mode of trasportation to most of their favorite places like The Cove and the Big K truckstop. When asked about the Secret Club's primary objectives for summer, Mike said, "Yeah." SC grand pooh-bah Terry Guerriero commented that no matter what goes on at Martini's this summer Crystal will be bussing tables.

Muckadee Love Boat - Family girlies organize exclusive cruise: As if the parties with Ronnie and Mary weren't exclusive enough, Adele, Jan, and Cindy are now hard at work on what could be the largest gathering of muckadeemucks since the Country Club's New Year's Eve party. The girls have decided that a cruise will satisfy the needs of even the family's most stubborn muckadees. Although the cruise's route has not yet been set, reports show the three girlies are leaning toward the one with the most expensive ticket, the fjords of Norway, so as to exclude as many people as possible. Caught in front of her Harbor Avenue estate, Jan Guerini told Martini news reporter Jimmy Batanian, "If it was up to us, it might be just me, Alan, and Ronnie." Some concerned muckadees include Joe and Jeannette who fear the cruise's $5000 single-ticket price tag could cause the Putting Petunia's to tap into their christmas fund. Stay tuned next week for our special inside scoop on the room assignments.
Bobby used to sleep in closets?
Al Mucci played the accordion?
Guy Fish blew up the old hut with dynamite?
Fox was thrown out of a Conneaut card game for cheating?
Duggie & Tommy drive with both feet?
Richard O studied under Michelangelo?
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Internet Stars

You wanna squid?
Who was the apple of Ron O's eye before he landed Sandra?
Answer: Joanne Dinato
Click here to see Joe Bellomo at the Blue Oyster!!!
If you think you can correctly identify this beautiful chic, e-mail Martini and you could win a ride in Doug's taxi!
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