Just relax now, like Dave says, and Martini'll buy you a drink. We got squids, PAT, and a lotttta bullshit!
Nice toupe CHUCK!

We love Martini!
Family Wackos
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Tony O
Fred Gauge jr
The Goose is Cooked - Another Down Under patron loses his wings:
On the heels of Scott Spence's blockbuster retirement announcement of last week, it appears as if the Goose is going to follow suit. Rj made it City Manager, Goose
official at The Lanes in a prepared statement on Sunday. When asked about the loss of the big two, Martini seemed more interested in the eminent arrival of Mark Pucci. "It was a loss but I think the return of Pucci, Bellomo, and Billy will more than compensate." Mark will be here Saturday if the weather, and his ticket (C'mon Pat!), hold up. The Goose wishes to thank his many fans for their support and wouldn't rule out a possible return Down Under, job permitting, of course.

Roses and Lemon Oil - A Cuban apology on Harbor Avenue:
After feeling guilty over the stripper debacle, family Cuban Ron Eserevas finally decided to make the peace with Cindy for real. A dozen roses They smell so nice!
and a case of that cure-all Georgia lemon oil was just what the doctor ordered for Cindy's hard feelings. "Time heals all wounds but I couldn't wait," said Ron, "I had to make up for Fud's bad decision making." The care package of flowers and lemon oil was warmly received by the St. Angelo's. Eserevas and Cindy are now said to be collaborating on a marketing strategy for the lemon extract that Ron calls the "revitalizing lotion for the soul."

Merry Gambling - Relaxed Dave mistakes Lanes for Anchor Inn: Bob O's christmas party took an interesting twist on Sunday after relaxed Dave decided to turn a friendly open bowling game into a high stakes jackpot tournament. Money was on the line as Dave organized the Brunswick betting scheme that pitted the Harbor Avenue boys against the Hill. The match, which some say became too serious, involved some of the family's heaviest hitters, Sam, Fud, and Bill Herzog. "The vodka was key," explained Fud Guerini, "and there was some fierce competition." Other highpoints of the party included Shirl's hair, Jerry & Linda, and Ron O's drunken stupor. The Lanes fest also saw peace made between Aunt Ida and Jimmy.

Guerini Girls on Thin Ice - Ange & Alli more retarded than ever!: The barred list is near for the Guerini twins after their last display of ridiculousness Down Under. The decibel level more than tripled as Angela and Alison brought late night confusion and belligerence to Martini's one night last week. Down Under guests were stepping over Alison, who took to laying in the middle of the floor after spilling some tortilla chips. Not surprisingly, Angela's loud voice also caused some people to call her "Loretta." "We may have to go on lockdown," said Martini, "and Down Under may have to be reduced to a skeleton crew of trustworthy core members." The incident has now forced Martini to rethink even his Christmastime agenda Down Under.
Uncle Red and Ralph Parmigian lead the pinochle tournaments at the YMSC for years?
Wilbur Hackathorne almost bought an airplane?
Ange & Loretta used to throw some classy christmas and New Year's Eve parties?
Uncle Red's New Year's Eve birthday used to be celebrated at Laura & Ange's?
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What gas station did sheriff deputy Dave love to sleep behind on third shift?

Wygand's Sohio
Martini's X-Rated
For all of our fans whose mouths have been watering for some real nasty scoop, the wait is over. The next couple of weeks will see the newest and crudest addition to the page, Martini's X-Rated. The content of the new page will include the real reasons on why people are succeeding or failing in the family. We're really going to go after the bad habits, idiosynchrasies, and flaws of all of our favorite family members. You'll hear the uncensored scoop on who the real troublemakers are in the family and why. The new X-Rated site will be password access only, of course. Stay tuned to Martini's to hear how you too can gain access to this all new, all nasty, no holds barred addition to our main site!
- Martini
Martini's at the Pavilion and Martini's Down Under are registered trademarks of Martini. Any reproduction, refabrication, or reduction of the content of Martini's is prohibited and may cause hemorrhoids, chronic fatigue, asthma, and broken arms.
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