Are you too interested in Harbor Avenue? Do you wanna know more about why Ange loves his Shandy so much? Well, your search is over. Welcome to Martini's, the greater Harbor Avenue area's official homepage!

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Family Boycotters
Do you know them all?
Ange & Loretta
Jerry & Linda
Father Sam
Tony O
Jimmy & Pam
Just relax now, like Dave says, and Martini'll buy you a drink. We got squids, PAT, and a lotttta bullshit!
Nice toupe CHUCK!
Material Girls - Harbor Avenue Businesswomen at War
A couple rungs may fall out of the Neighborhood corporate ladder this week as Harbor Avenue's beloved businesswomen Jan and Cindy wage war on each other. The bad relations, which
Can I sell you phone or a house?
reportedly started when Cindy called Jan a "material girl"at a party some time ago, have apparently worsened after the stripper debacle out at The Lanes earlier in the month. Heavy mud slinging by Miss Cindy drove Guerini along with four other family members to rethink their alliance with the real estate agent.
Severino Construction - Stump's muscle too much for Depascale
A packed Crow's Nest Wednesday night was the setting for what has now become known as the first real demonstration of the stump's awesome power. The incident began when Stevie, after receiving some
Crow's Nest owner Joe Saint keeps things under control
dirty looks from former business associate Ron Depascale, told him to "choke on a piece of turkey." The annoyed Depascale then went after Severino only to find himself thrown about three yards across the bar floor. The confrontation was short-lived as the crowd restrained Stevie, but surprisingly not Depascale. Crow's Nest owner Joe St. Angelo, concerned about the lack of support for Severino, said there may have to be some restructuring on the management level.
Mike DeMaio - Neighborhood gets new driving instructor: Local funeral director Terry Guerrerio has hired a new assistant to help him with his driving school business. Harbor Avenue Heights (HAH) resident Mike Valentic has been chosen to teach the art of driving to Ashtabula's young population. "Things are goin pretty smoothly," said Valentic, "but I've already been involved in a fender bender." Valentic considers himself to be a superb driver and claims he is perfectly qualified for the job because he studied under the late Ashtabula driving professional, Miss DeMaio.
Spunce Pregnant - Local Elk's employee say's he'll have the baby: Ashtabula's favorite Elk's icon Scott Spence has found himself at the center of one of the most boggling cases in medical history. About a month ago the Akron frat boy realized that the intestinal pains he had been experiencing were really a result of his male body preparing to bare child. "Everyone's heard of cases like this before," explained Spunce, "but with me, it's real." The former 1991 Neighborhood wiffleball star says he was planning to put a ring on his girlfriend's finger in May anyway and will go through with the birth despite doctors' advice.
Those pool tables double as beds out at The Lanes?
Judy Sposito bought Janice and Mike a washer and dryer for their wedding?
BigBill and Relaxed Dave can never talk to you when you call them because they always "got a guy here, lemme call ya back?"
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You wanna squid?
Where won't Ange and Loretta want to be this christmas eve if they can't eat at a reasonable time?
 Answer: Jan & Alan's
Click here to see Joe Bellomo at the Blue Oyster!!!
If you think you can correctly identify the babe in this pic, e-mail Martini and you could ne treated to some of Bobby's marinated deer heart out The Lanes!

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