Are you too interested in Harbor Avenue? Do you wanna know more about why Ange loves his Shandy so much? Well, your search is over. Welcome to Martini's, the greater Harbor Avenue area's official homepage!
We love Martini!

Harbor Avenue Legends
Do you know them all?
  • Skootch
  • Fox
  • Muzzy
  • Joe Fat
  • Dirt
  • Shittee - "Save the City Vote for Shitty"
  • Peeake
Just relax now, like Dave says, and Martini'll buy you a drink. We got squids, PAT, and a lotttta bullshit!
Nice toupe CHUCK!


Anniversary Party - Aulie and brother Ron Jeremy will be throwing a 50th anniversary party for Uncle Red and Aunt Anna on July 3rd. Stunnad Yard Maintenance will be footing the booze bill.

4th Picnic -
Some people are objecting to the Hill's hosting of this year's bash. Many of the complaints are stemming from Fred's "9 o'clock bedtime for everybody" rule, meaning no hot dogs later on, no marshmallows, and no fireworks. What a bummer.

Picnic Food -
Tommy Sauce will be making his famous lamb chops this year for the picnic, and Andy has made it clear that the bones are to stay on Sauce's side of the street. Also, it is rumored that Little Bobby will be bringing some roast goat to the picnic along with garlic stuffed olives. Although occupied with a CNN news shoot, Bob has made clear that the olives are not to be eaten before bed because they cause nightmares. Contrary to popular belief the Dougster will NOT be making his brownies this year, better drink the kick punch.

Landscape Lights -
Pretty much everyone and his brother's family has decided to place these little dim lamps in between their shrubs in the Harbor Avenue area. Uncle Ange, when asked, was quoted as saying that his are beautiful and all the others look like dogshit.

Drunk Drivers -
Cindy and Aulie were having a good time Friday night creeping around the Neighborhood in that BMW. The two girlies were both sloshed and were inviting people they didn't even know to a party at Ron Jeremy's. After 5 minutes of heckling with them, Joe Nappi finally told them he wasn't going anywhere because he didn't support Jeremy's jet-set pornstar lifestyle.

Time on our Hands -
It seems that there are some people out there going around saying that Martini's got a little too much time on his hands. One particular outburst occured when a certain Harbor Avenue resident became jealous at Ron Jeremy's Mother's Day get-together after seeing people crowd around the computer. The person was quoted as saying that "anyone who does something like that has got a little too much time on his hands." When asked about it, Martini could only give us one word.
Black Willie gave his title of Mayor of Harbor Avenue to the Dougster when he moved off the street?
Aunt Ella used to pick the beans outta her past-n-beans?
Father Sam has been denied a Neighborhood entrance pass since 1978?
Uncle Charlie and Fox used to get up at 4am every day to train?
Uncle Ange's shandy has a downstairs?
Big John plays golf bearfoot and at Geneva they call him Freddy Fintstone?
?? Mystery Question ??
Who was asked to make the peace between Andy and Fred Benedict after the fight and said, "Forget it!"?
Answer: Ange
Great Links
to Great Squids

Virtual Vegas

Itayan Women

Time Travel


CDDB ("see" your CD's play)

You wanna squid?
?? Mystery Pic ??
If you think you can correctly identify this pic, e-mail Martini and you could win some a Tommy Sauce's lambchops!
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